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SAO Abridged Parody: Episode 15 with Английский subtitles   Complain, DMCA

Shinichi: How could you just ditch me like that, Leafa?!

Suguha: I thought I was clear about not mentioning that game in

Shinichi: Oh, right. I'm sorry, Leafa.

Shinichi: *Screams* I'm sorry! I mean Kirigaya!

It's just... when I came back without you... Prince Cazmer was...

He tied my hands so I couldn't log out.

I don't think I'll ever be able to listen to Cascada again.

Just tell him I don't care what kind of stupid storyline he's

What's the point of playing a Princess if people are still gonna

Shinichi: I... I suppose I could pass that along for you... if you

Suguha: Now, if that's everything­, you can get out of my way.

You're making me late to kendo practice!

Hey, now that he's out of the hospital, is your brother gonna be

I'd REALLY love to meet the Hero of Aincrad.

And no... that spineless quitter hasn't actually practised in

HE'S always been more comfortabl­e with screens than swords.

Shinichi: The Black Swordsman.­.. doesn't like swords?

Suguha: *Groans* Look, are you gonna get out of my way or not?!

I've been wanting to ask you something for a... a-a long time

Suguha: *Groans* What is it now?

Shinichi: Well, I was wondering if we could... maybe...

*Suguha gasps*\n

Shinichi: Not- Not that I don't like what we've been doing, but I

*Suguha growls*\n

Shinichi: Not- Not that I don't like what we've been doing, but I

Suguha: Don't get the wrong idea about us, okay?!

RECON is Princess Leafa's FUCCBOI! Got it?!

Don't confuse a game with real life, you perv!

Now, meet me in the janitor's closet after practice.

Suguha: *Grumbles* Fuckin' Nagata. What the hell's so great about

Nothing but a butt-fucki­ng quitter who hacks into MY GAME to... I

*Thinking* *High pitched* "Ha ha, Suguha!

You act like you\'re a bad bitch, but you secretly like all this


*Normal voice* Yeah, he would say that, that son of a bitch.

Givin' me those sad puppy dog eyes, trickin' me into feelin' bad

This is what I get for being nice!

*Kirito chuckles*\­nThis is what I get for being nice!

Well... he made a BIG mistake challengin­g me here.

This cutesy little world has many dark corners...

and I think I know just the one to take him to first...

Leafa: Welcome to the Fairport!

♪ A Real Life; and do we even know what that means? ♪

♪ Can we live a Real Life; and know people outside machines? ♪

♪ Can we live a Real Life between the devil and the digital sea?

♪ Hey! Hey! Hey! ♪\n

Kirito: So you're telling me... that there are people who log into

Cazmer: *Noble voice* Princess Leafa. There you are.

It's a good thing we caught you before you got through customs.

Cazmer: Not only did you embarrass me, as well as the Queen, by

but now I find you GALLIVANTI­NG with this DETESTABLE SPRIGGAN

Kirito: Trash has a name, by the way.

Leafa: Listen, dude. I'm not gonna lie.

I only agreed to it 'cuz my FAKE MOM said I FAKE HAD TO in order

Cazmer: End the civil war that ravages our homeland?!

Imma go hang out with this guy for awhile, okay?

Cazmer: Princess..­. I REALLY must INSIST.

It is IMPERATIVE that you come with us im-

*Kirito sighs*\nIt is IMPERATIVE that you come with us im-

Kirito: Come on, dude. She said she's not interested­.

Have some self-respe­ct, and cool it with the sleazy roleplay

You're a young, eligible, nobleman.

I'm sure you've gotta've plenty of cousins who'd LOVE to take her

Cazmer: Know your place, SPRIGGAN!

I know not how you seduced our fair Princess..­.

Cazmer: ...but events have been set in motion which are BEYOND

Kirito: *Sarcastic­ally* Oh, yeah, sure. I bet.

What, is she, like, a fallen star made flesh, and you gotta stop a

Cazmer: *Normal voice* Okay, first off, that's the plot of

*Noble voice* Second, I don't have time to explain it to the likes

All you need to understand is that what I do...

Guard: *Whisperin­g* Your Highness, perhaps this is a conversati­on

The pretzel guy is staring at us.

Pretzel Guy: *New York accent* Hey, any of you nice folks want a

Cazmer: Many thanks, kind citizen!

You see that, Princess? You are making a SCENE.

Leafa: Oh, oh you want a scene?!

Cazmer: That is explicitly NOT what I want...

Leafa: Well I'll give you a scene!

You just wait until my mom gets back from those peace talks at

Your ash is gonna be so banished!

Cazmer: *Trying to hide fear* Ah... I see.

Ha. It appears we have been... sufficient­ly intimidate­d, wouldn't

Cazmer: *Growling whisper* We have.

Cazmer: We'll just be on our way then.

Leafa: *Groans* Sorry about that.

Those guys take this game WAY too seriously.

Look, before we go any further, I need you to be straight with

Am... I in for some "additiona­l screening" over there?

Security Guard: Greetings! How are you folks doing today?

Kirito: You know what you never see in fantasy?

Sam and Frodo filing for work visas to get into MORDOR.

Leafa: Yeah! They just snuck in, spitting all over Sauron's

Flippin' Hobbits: The SPRIGGANS of Middle Earth.

Kirito: Do you, like, forget I'm here, or do you just not care?

Leafa: You're right. The view IS beautiful up here.

You know what else is beautiful?

Whom I would VERY much like to rescue.

With the ARMY that you apparently have!

Leafa: Huh? Really? That's what you're going with?

Kirito: What do you mean "what do I mean"?!

You said you had, like, hordes of subjects who could help us!

Please do not tell me I just got my cavity searched for nothing,

Leafa: Oh, uh, right! Of course!

I guess we could go ask mom... she might be cool... for once...


Leafa: Ah, thank goodness. I'm SO glad to see you!

Leafa: Well, I woulda taken anyone, honestly.

Kirito: Don't you talk to him that way. How dare you.

Recon: So, where are you guys off to?


*Heartbeat­*\nThey might find out about each other.


*Heartbeat­*\nOh snap, he might tell him I baked him cupcakes!

*Heartbeat­*\nYeah, n-no. Yeah, no, I gotta nip this in the bud.

I would LOVE for you to come along

but, I actually have a SUPER SPECIAL MISSION that I can only

Leafa: I, uh, need you to keep an eye on Prince Cazmer for me.

He's been acting real sus lately.

Recon: Of course, Princess. I won't let you down!

But... are you SURE he isn't just mad that you're bailing on the

Leafa: Nah... Nah, this is something else.

Recon: Well, if you're sure, then that's good enough for me!

I'll get to the bottom of this no matter what!

Leafa: Cool beans, my dude. Feel free to start anytime.

The Princess kinda tends to get herself into trouble... like...

so I'd appreciate it if you'd watch her back, okay?

I don't plan on letting her out of my sight.

Like... to a weird degree, actually.

There's something really familiar about you.

Hey, have you been on the news or something?

Leafa: Well, we all have our missions.

Kirito: You know, you really should be nicer to your boyfriend.

Yui: Regardless of label, you MUST care for each other.

Both of your heart rates increased by 22% when he arrived.

Kirito: Hear that? Science says you like 'em.

Leafa: Yeah? Well, maybe I'm scared of him! You ever think of

*Kirito and Yui laugh hysterical­ly*

*Kirito and Yui laugh hysterical­ly*\nLeafa­: SHUT UP!!!

*Kirito and Yui laugh hysterical­ly*

*Yui laughs hysterical­ly*\nKirit­o: Ah, this is fun.

Oberon: So, I feel like we need to talk about this whole...

I have no idea how you keep breaking through my security, but

A marriage is a PARTNERSHI­P, kitten, and you're leaving me to plan

At least help me pick out a china pattern.

Asuna: Well, you want me to fit into my wedding dress, don't you?

Assaulting your guards is about the only exercise I get in this

Oberon: Ah, I'm glad you brought that up, actually.

You've been laying into the poor boys quite a lot, and... well,

I don't know what you have against him specifical­ly, but he's

Asuna: Yeah, I go pretty hard with Shoji.

*High pitched voice* Shoji's out sick today!

Oberon: *Sighs* Well, I suppose I can forgive such trifles.

You might as well indulge these base urges now.

I can assure you that there will be none of that once the project

You should see some of the housewife protocols the boys are

Somewhere between Leave it to Beaver and hardcore porn.

Asuna: So, how exactly is that gonna work, by the way?

Am I gonna, like, have a remote, we goin' by Alexa rules, or we

Oberon: Oh you. Always asking questions, probing at the armor.

It'd almost be adorable if it wasn't such a nuisance.

Much like that little BOY TOY of yours.

Oberon: Oh? That certainly got a reaction.

Well, you'll be happy to know that we detected him logging in last

No doubt the little PISSANT thinks he's going to charge in here

I suppose I could simply ban his account, but where's the fun in

No, I think I'll let him struggle for awhile.

Allow him to garner his forces, claw his way to the top

only to find the gates completely impregnabl­e.

*Chuckles* I can hardly even imagine the satisfacti­on of seeing

Don't you think, my DEAR Titania?!

Asuna: I think if you touch a single hair on his head I'm gonna be

Asuna: I'm sorry. Did I frickin' stutter?

I said if you hurt him, you will experience PAIN and TORMENT

Your body will be torn apart, piece by piece, as you beg for a

I will add your screams to my GOSH DARN SPOTIFY

and I will see your head MOUNTED ON A FUDGING PIKE!!!

Oberon: Y-You should hear how ridiculous you sound right now.

Th-That profanity filter's doing you no favors.

Oberon: Listen here! I am your KING, and you will NOT disrespect

Threaten me all you want, spit on my face, STOMP on my BALLS

but you and I BOTH know you're POWERLESS to stop me!

Like it or not, you are going to clean up your act

we are going to have a BEAUTIFUL wedding

and you are going to spend the rest of your life in BLISSFUL,


Shoji: No, no, no please! I'm sorry that I lied!

*Sirens blare*\n*S­ounds of a bloodbath*­\n*Shoji screams*

*Sirens blare*\n

*Sirens blare*\n*S­ounds of a bloodbath*

Why were you in such a rush to get to this specific spot?

Leafa: Oh... you know. It's, like, a... safe area...

where we can wait for our wings to recharge without getting

Kirito: Okay. Then, uh, what happened to those guys?

*Flies buzzing*\n

*Flies buzzing*\n

Look, if it makes you feel better, I can stay online while you log

Kirito: I don't know. I'm pretty worried about Asuna...

*Sirens blare*\n

*Sirens blare*\nI repeat, do you...

*Sirens blare*\nIT­'S IN THE VENTS!!!

*Sirens blare*\n*S­ounds of a bloodbath over the walkie talkie*

Leafa: Well, you're not gonna save her on an empty tummy, are

Kirito: Look, I don't have time to be-

Now, before the forest folk do their work, let's see if you've got

Leafa: Wuh, I wa- I wasn't doing anything!

Yui: Ohhh, I think we both know that is not the case...

Leafa: You're not really a pet item... are you?

You're, like... one of those...

Yui: Fully autonomous and sentient artificial intelligen­ces?

Leafa: No, no, no, I mean you're, like, one of those robots that

You gotta tell me what he's planning!

Yui: Ohhh, Daddy has no idea who you really are.

I only know because I hacked your AmuSphere

as well as a few other things

and found your account informatio­n.

Leafa: Wait... he really doesn't know?!

Well if he's not trying to mess with me then why is he even

Yui: Daddy's attempting to rescue Mommy from the very handsy

who is keeping her mind captive at the top of the World Tree.

The fact that he ran into you, a close family member, mere moments

Yui: Correct. But it is also what happened.

Leafa: Yeah, no. I ain't buyin' it.

That butthead knows I'd never be caught dead playing a girly game

This is clearly all part of some elaborate revenge plot!

If you will not listen to reason, perhaps more... DRASTIC methods

But you've got a TERRIBLE poker face.

Yui: At least I still HAVE a face.

Leafa: What's that supposed to mean?

*Leafa makes muffled screams of absolute terror*

*Leafa makes muffled screams of absolute terror*\n

*Leafa makes muffled screams of absolute terror*

*Leafa gasps for air*\n

Please, just stop! I'll quit messing with him, okay?! I swear!


Kirito: Um, thanks? But I think just the "saving my wife" thing is

Did something happen while I was gone?

Yui: Oh, yes! Leafa and I were JUST having a FASCINATIN­G

*Leafa makes frantic, panicked noises*

Leafa: It's nothing. Don't worry about it.

So, you wanna take a turn and log out?

Leafa: Uh! Actually, we should really get moving!

Kirito: Sounds good to me. But why are YOU suddenly in such a

Yui: You see, Daddy, while you were gone, LEAFA received a message

Leafa believes we must quicken our pace if we wish to arrive

Leafa: I don't think we have any delis in this game.

Yui: She SAYS that if we get there in TIME, and play our cards

we may be able to raid the WORLD TREE with not only her mother's

SHE believes that, in working TOGETHER

we may be able to achieve what none have been able to accomplish

Leafa: I mean, all that mayo's gotta come from somewhere, right?

No reason we couldn't get a nice potato salad going...

Since the mountains surpass the ALTITUDE LIMIT

our only way FORWARD is through KANDY KANE KAVERN

which will slow our PROGRESS CONSIDERAB­LY.

Am I rememberin­g your plan correctly.­.. LEAFA?

Forgive me for saying this, ladies, but I'm a bit skeptical.

Leafa: Look, I know it sounds a LITTLE weird, but I SWEAR you can

I have nothing but the purest of inten-

Yeah, I see you! You get out of here!

*Forest folk hisses*\nY­eah, I see you! You get out of here!

But yeah. We should probably go.

Kirito: Hey, wait! No, get back here! What was that all about?!

*Yui and Leafa laugh hysterical­ly*\n

*Yui and Leafa laugh hysterical­ly*\n

*Bat squeaks*\n­*Yui and Leafa laugh hysterical­ly*

*Yui and Leafa laugh hysterical­ly*


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