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An Open Letter to Swiss Miss with Английский subtitles   Complain, DMCA

hey kids let me tell you about Swiss

Miss instant hot chocolate and why their

packaging is [\xa0__\xa­0] so it comes in a

box shaped like this right and within

the box there are individual bags of hot

chocolate arranged like this already you

incompeten­ce shining through there is no

reason for their box to be double wide

it is a waste of cardboard let me prove

it here's a top-down view right let's

say this side is 8 inches the site is 2

inches that adds up to 20 inches of

cardboard if you doubled it up like this

just have the package a single file

that's only 16 inches it's a waste and

if that weren't bad enough for some

reason they decide to attach the bags

with these tiny paper bridges so when

you go to make your packet of hot

chocolate you have to detach the two

bags that doesn't sound so bad except

for the fact that it's impossible to

break them cleanly every time every

goddamn time they tear holes into the

sides of the bags and it's never just

one bag either that will be too simple

it puts holes in both so either way

you're gonna have to put one back and

just live with it leaking powder in the

Box it's gotten to the point where I

have to employ surgical precision

just to avoid getting chocolate dust all

over my freaking house it would be so

simple to avoid too even if you really

had to have these pointless attachment

things you could at least put little

perforatio­ns down the center so they

break down the middle school notebooks

have been doing it since the 50s

so why in 2016 has Swiss Miss not

discovered the arcane technology of

dotted lines so there's powder

everywhere the cat's looking at you

funny because it knows you're pissed off

but at least it's time to enjoy some hot

chocolate you pour your bag into the mug

pour in the hot water take a sip and it

tastes like piss Swiss Miss instant piss

so you go back to check the box thinking

the cat starts shaking because it knows

what's coming and that's when you see it

serving size 6 ounces so finally the dam

breaks you unleash a primal roar of

sheer fury the cat shits itself and

jumps out the window as you punch kick

the Swiss Miss box across the room the

is 12 fluid ounces in volume who in

God's name only drinks six ounces of

liquid so finally you reach into the box

and pull out the desecrated corpse of

that other bag from earlier and you pour

it in only then can you enjoy your

subpar hot beverage properly this whole

system right this sharad that Swiss Miss

puts you through it's kind of like

telling a guy to just jizz with one ball

instead of both of them they're in the

same container and separating them would

be difficult and even if I were to

figure out how to do that to does the

job better than one anyway so it's

pointless nowadays I just fold the

packet in half and rip along the seams

of both and maybe that was their

intention but if so why would you give

me the illusion of separable in the

first place it's like Siamese twins

they're joined for no reason and hard as

[\xa0__\xa­0] to separate so I guess I'm just

going to have to live with both I don't

know which is worse the fact this minor

inconvenie­nce was my biggest dilemma all

day or that this inconvenie­nce even

but anyway I'm salmonella and thank you


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