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Now, affirmative action as we know it\nis about to die.
And guess what, Asian Americans,\n
and it is going down in federal court\nright now.
In America, affirmative action began\n
to offer opportunities\nto historically excluded groups.
It's obvious why we needed it back then.\n
You're telling me\nthese are the world champions.
These were the best basketball players\nin the world.
What is this guy's signature move?\nTax evasion?
Nowadays, people hear affirmative action\nand often think
Oh, he got that job because he\'s black.
She got that job because she's Hispanic.
He got that job\nbecause he hates blacks and Hispanics.
Now, for the past 50 years,\naffirmative action has been
a fierce debate between\nblack and white America
Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders\n
A group of Asian-American students\nsuing Harvard University
accusing the school\nof unfairly giving preference
And I am lumping all of us together\nright now, okay?
that this is the hill we're willing\nto die on.
Our entire lives, we get shat on.
Oh, you guys have small dicks.\nYou\'re bad drivers.
You\'re the color of poop.\nYou smell like curry and kimchi.
The moment we can't get in to Harvard
we\'re like,\n"I\'ll see you in court, motherfucker.
It\'s full on Tupac "Hit \'Em Up,"\nWalter White to Heisenberg
Also, Asians, just so you know,\n
But last year, we were\xa022.2%\nof Harvard's admitted class.
We are straight dunking\non every other minority group
but in classic Asian parent fashion,\n
This lawsuit is in federal court now,\n
that the Trump Administration\nloves this case.
They have publicly sided\nwith the plaintiffs
and the Department of Justice\nhas opened up an investigation
into Harvard's admissions process.\nBut don't worry
the DOJ is giving Harvard the type\nof thorough investigation
they would never give victims\nof sexual assault.
Now this lawsuit is big\nin the Asian Community
specifically with an organization called\n
Now, the AACE's president\nis a man named Yukong Zhao.
And for him, this lawsuit\nis a full-on civil rights movement.
Our children,\nin order to pursue the American dream
they have to hide their racial identity.
Asian Americans are ready,\nunited, fight this battle.
We strongly urge the US Supreme Court\nto issue a total ban
of racial discrimination\nin college admissions.
If you can't tell,\nYukong Zhao\xa0is a hardcore tiger dad
who has been priming his kids\nfor academic greatness.
He is basically Chinese Joe Jackson.
In 2013, before his son\never even applied to college
Yukong Zhao wrote a book called
The Chinese Secrets for Success:\n
In his "about the author" section
he actually brags about\nhow smart his kids are.
Because you know that old Confucian\nsaying
Even when completely unrelated,\nshow off child\'s GPA.
[laughs]\nBut here's the thing, it didn't help.
When Yukong's son applied\nto three Ivy League schools
he got Dikembe Mutombo'd\nby all of them.
So the AACE sent a letter\nto the Department of Education
insinuating that those three schools\n
because of his crusade\nagainst affirmative action.
Now, I'm sorry Yukong Zhao,\nbut no one has a hit job on you.
And if you think I'm being mean
just check out my favorite review\n
This Chinese father wrote a book\nand then got Chinese fathered.
You're just focusing on\npissed off Chinese uncles.
Are there any Indian uncles speaking out?
Oh, you better fucking believe it.
I'm representing here the American Society\n
And I've been a US citizen for 30 years.
I am being treated like a foreigner.
I'm not a foreigner, I'm an American.
I came here many years ago, of course,\nwith $6 in my pocket.
At that time, it was a lot of money.\n[laughs]
No, it wasn't, Indian Oliver Stone!
Every immigrant uncle\nhas some insane story
about how they came to America with\n
I came here with two bucks."\n"No, I came here with four bucks.
$6 is and never was a lot of money.
Who goes to any country and is like
Hmm, $6, that seems like enough\nto start a new life"?
But you know, maybe Dr. Kothari was right.
Maybe it was a lot of money back then.\n
That's the three-entree meal\nat Panda Express.
Also, are you sure about\xa0six bucks?\n
I came here many years ago [laughs]
Okay. Now, don't laugh at Dr. Kothari.
Because he is the only one fighting\nfor the real issues
National spelling bees do occur.
and the Asian Americans\nhave been, like, the top.
But when the media,\nHollywood, made a movie
about the spelling bee\ncalled Akeelah the Bee
it was not about Asian Americans.
It was about somebody else.\xa0Why?
was Akeelah the Bee\nnot about an Indian kid?
Why are they black-washing Asian movies?
First of all, it's called\nAkeelah and the Bee
He's making it sound like\nthere's a bumblebee named Akeelah.
You know, Akeelah the bee,\nLady the tramp, Nemo the fish.
I am not ripping\non an Indian uncle's accent.
I am ripping on uncles\nin our own community
who lack self-awareness\nand propagate anti-black
an anti-brown rhetoric\njust so Asians can get ahead.
Now, as insane as all of this is
Chinese Joe Jackson\nand the rest of the AACE
aren't actually the group\nthat's suing Harvard.
[man]The group called\nStudents for Fair Admissions
is accusing elite colleges\n
The group's president Edward Blum\n
better qualified individuals\n
Obviously, Ed Blum isn't an Asian student,\n
the type\xa0of guy\nwho still uses the word "Oriental.
So, Students for Fair Admission,\nled by Ed Blum
is the group\nthat is actually suing Harvard
and he is more than happy to tell us\nwhy he's suing.
Harvard has, we believe,\na hard specific quota.
It's racial discrimination,\nand its a quota.
How is it that this could not be a quota?
Here's why Ed Blum\nhas such a huge quota boner.
Back in the 1970s, UC Davis\nhad a quota of spots reserved
for black applicants, but when a white guy\n
from the medical school,\nhe sued UC Davis
claiming that he was rejected because\n
Allan Bakke took his case\nto the Supreme Court and won
making racial quotas unconstitutional,\n
No one should be admitted to a school\n
Also, racial quotas are weird.
Like, if a school says,\n"We need 32 black people.
Your first response should be
also ruled that schools can still be\n
That's the difference between saying,\n
versus "I need two more black friends.
One of these is affirmative action.
The other is the plot o Get Out.
So, quota systems are unconstitutional.
However, the Supreme Court\nhas repeatedly upheld
that race can be used as one factor\n
of an applicant. I know holistic review\n
and a Reiki healer named Celeste.
But it is actually Harvard claims\nit's admitting students.
Ed Blum isn't helping Asian kids because\n
He's been trying to end affirmative action\n
This is true, for each school\nthat he wants to sue
he sets up a website where students\n
So, now that he's looking for Asian kids\n
all of his websites\nhave pensive-looking Asian kids on them.
What did the photographer tell this kid?
Why don't you pose like your dad\nis grading your Kumon homework?
There it is!\nThat's the look I'm going for.
Ed Blum is suing Harvard\nbecause the last time he tried
to end affirmative action, he failed.
You guys remember\nBecky with the bad grades.
[man]\nAbigail Fisher brought the case in 2008.
She sued UT Austin\nafter the school rejected her
she claims,\nin favor of minority applicants
with lower grades and test scores.
Now, Abigail Fisher\ndid not file her lawsuit out of the blue.
She was handpicked\nby conservative activist Edward Blum.
Oh, he didn't just handpick her,\n
A federal lawsuit was filed yesterday\n
who had been\xa0unfairly rejected\n
because she was the wrong color.
Okay, so what he's saying\nin this ISIS recruitment video is...
Abigail Fisher\xa0lost her spot\n
He's making college admissions seem like\n
And I've always hated nightclubs\n
You go in there, they're like,\n
I wish a nightclub was like, "Hey,\n
What are your hobbies?\nDo you have a short poem I could read?
and that's what colleges are trying to do.
But Ed Blum's only mission is\nto end affirmative action
even if that means leaving out\ninconvenient details like he did
When Abigail Fisher applied to UT Austin,\n
Any graduating senior\nin the top 10% of their class
automatically got into\nthe UT school system.
But Abigail Fisher didn't make the cut\n
I'm guessing math wasn't her best subject.\n
Now it's true. there were other students\n
and scores than Abigail Fisher,\nbut according to ProPublica
only five of those students\nwere black or Latino.
168 black and Latino students\n
They moved on with their fucking lives.
Ed Blum claimed that race was the reason\n
He left out inconvenient details\nand you could argue
that he's doing the same thing\nwith the Harvard case.
Remember Ed Blum's hard-on for quotas?
Harvard has, we believe,\na hard specific quota.
They seem, year after year, never to admit\n
Yet, the number of Asians applying\nto Harvard
over the last 15 years has doubled.
Yet, year after year after year,\nit's the same percentage.
Okay, Harvard has a hard specific quota
that never seems to break 17% Asian.
So, we found an expert\xa0\n
In 1992,\xa019% of Harvard's\nincoming freshmen were Asian.
15% of Harvard's incoming freshman class\nwas Asian.
For someone representing Asians,\nyou are really bad at math.
You should really take Kumon classes\nwith Jeremy.
We actually contacted Harvard
and they gave us the official numbers.\n
the trend line shows that the percentage\nof Asians
in Harvard's incoming class\nhas been going up.
Maybe it's not as high as you would like,\nbut it is going up
and if you don't get into Harvard,\n
is insanely hard,\nand it's only getting harder.
-This isn't UC Santa Cruz, man.\n-[audience jeers]
Is that where you guys draw the line?\nUC Santa Cruz?
Their mascot is the banana slugs,\nyou guys.
You need $80 and a pulse\nto get into UC Santa Cruz.
recruiting plaintiffs,\nbankrolling their cases
attacking the law through the courts
it sounds shitty, but it's not illegal.
It's like going to a Macklemore concert.
but everyone\'s gonna be like, "Why?
What are you getting out of this?
Civil rights leaders\nused this exact same tactic
but now Ed Blum is using\nthe civil rights playbook
to dismantle civil rights policies.\n
and Ed Blum was like,\n"Technically, nightmares are dreams.
I don't think Ed Blum cares about\nAsians getting justice at all.
he lost Abigail Fisher case\nbecause he miscast his lead.
Abigail Fisher\nwas his Eric Bana in The Hulk
and now he's looking for his Mark Ruffalo,\nwhich is Asian kids.
Harvard is far from perfect\nin all of this.
Harvard was forced to hand over\nadmissions data for the lawsuit
and Ed Blum claims that the data shows\n
on subjective measures,\nlike personality traits.
Harvard denies it,\nbut if the court finds
that there is bias, then fuck Harvard.
And not just for this,\n
Fuck them for Ted Kaczynski\nand Ted Cruz and Facebook.
And Dr. Oz and Steve Bannon\nand Eliot Spitzer
and Jared Kushner and Bill O'Reilly\n
So, let's take all of those factors\ninto consideration
and give Harvard a big holistic fuck you,\nokay?
And I'm not just saying that\n'cause I didn't get in. [laughs]
Dismantling affirmative action won't\nget rid of implicit bias
or automatically make Harvard more fair.
If you really want\nto make Harvard more fair
There is this phenomenon\nof white affirmative action
and it's called legacy admissions\nin universities.
They give preference to alumni children\n
10 to 20%\xa0of the population.
-That's an affirmative action.\n-Right, for the wealthy.
Legacy students take up\na significant number at the Ivies.
If these Asian parents really cared\n
they would be\ngoing after legacy admissions first.
Not attacking affirmative action.
Just listen to Swan Lee,\na prominent member of the AACE.
Why don't we\njust abandon racial consideration
and give everybody a fair chance?
When affirmative action was established\nin the 1960s
that was a time it was necessary\nbecause that's was the time
when the racial segregation\nwas coming to an end.
And the communities were very segregated.
with all the things that the government\n
we don't have that\nkind of drastic difference
between communities anymore.
She\'s basically saying,\n"Let\'s get rid of affirmative action
because racism\nisn\'t as bad as it used to be.
And you hear that a lot with racism.
Hey, be grateful.\nIt\'s not as bad as it used to be.
You wouldn't tolerate that\xa0from Wi-Fi.
If you called Comcast\nand you were like
Hey, my internet\'s really slow\n
Hey, it\'s not as bad as it used to be.\nRemember dial-up?
That's why I think this lawsuit\nagainst Harvard is bullshit.
Is this really about civil rights\n
Because I've been in prep classes\n
Hey, if you're Asian don't check the box,\nit's gonna hurt you.
-You know what I'm talking about?\n-[man] Yes.
The penalty, right? When I was\n
I thought\xa0I wasn't gonna get in\n
But I didn't get into Stanford
Now, I know there's white people here.\n
[laughs] And every Indian and Asian person\nis like, "1310...
No wonder you became a stand-up comedian.
Now, this entire affirmative action issue\n
Are you just your GPA\nand your SAT score?
Or do a myriad of factors\ndetermine who you are?
I support affirmative action
and the majority\nof Asian Americans do, too.
I get that affirmative action\nis an imperfect system.
Does the software need updating?\nOf course.
But if they win this case,\nit won't just affect Harvard.
It could set a precedent that affects\n
We are talking about\nmillions of students.
If you want to go somewhere\nwith no affirmative action
there are schools\nwhere they only look at test scores.
Just go to Asian Paradise, Caltech.
They've basically dumped\nFremont, California
and Edison, New Jersey into one school
and they were like,\n"Go hang out with your cousins.
In 2010, Caltech had\xa0967 students.
Do you know how many\nblack students they had?
There are more black people\nin the Wu-Tang Clan.
And it hasn't gotten better.
In 2016,\xa0Caltech had\na whopping 14 black students.
So I'm asking my community,\nis this case worth it?
Look, I'm not saying you shouldn't sue\nto right a wrong.
There was another moment in history\n
when Asian Americans felt like\nthey were being denied
because they couldn't speak English,\n
So they filed a class action lawsuit
that went all the way\nto the Supreme Court.
[man]The 1974 court decision\ncalled Lau v. Nichols
that court case became the wellspring
for almost every bilingual school program\nin America.
[woman]With the help of groups\n
students can successfully be multilingual\nand multicultural.
America has English as a second language\n
It was a landmark decision that made\n
If the plaintiffs hadn't won that case
the students wouldn't\nhave been able to learn.
But if the plaintiffs don't win\nthe Harvard case
the students have to live with the cold,\nharsh reality
that they might have to go\nto the UC Santa Cruz of the Ivies...
This case against Harvard\n
and with Kavanaugh giving conservatives\na majority on the bench
the chances of affirmative action\n
Ed Blum is within striking distance\n
And for those in the Asian community who\n
We\'re American citizens.\nTreat us like Americans." Fine.
But if you are willing to act like racism\n
and then take it to the courts\nwhen you don't get your way
You just happen to be the worst kind.
[audience cheering, applauding]